Life is so short, and I am always filled with a deep sense of urgency. I want to make every second count just a little bit more. I don't want to die and find out I never really lived.
Today I'm so happy. Today I lived, I lived fully and with my whole heart and every minute counted! Today was a memory, the kind that travel on into the ages and never die, the kind that leave you feeling full and rich and satisfied beyond belief.
She is the last of the Crows. She's my baby. I know, I know... I could go on and on about that for hours. To make my point in one sentence. She is the last one left to mother! If you know me then you know I hate empty nesting. I love mothering with all my heart. It has been my chosen career! All of my peeps are gone now except Desi. She's partly gone, with her apartment in Logan, but I cling to the days when for a moment she is still mine; like today . . . today, she was MY kid and we were doing what we've done since the day she was born, we were having fun!
My sweet little memory all started when Des asked me if I wanted to go to the side walk sale in Logan. "Do you want to go mom?" "Yup!" When and where," that was my only response.
I didn't see it coming. I never do. I should have known. I thought we were headed for a side walk sale, you know, swim suits, clothes, shoes, jewelry, all that stuff girls love. I didn't know there was a book store on main street! Then I saw the sign, "Going Out Of Business, 30 percent off." Oh dear, I lamented! I barely had that thought pass through space in my head when my daughter disappeared through the front door of the old stately white building. She was gone, transported, like she'd found instantaneous time travel. Books of Yesterday would never have to go out of business if Deserey Crowther or her mother had more money! It was at that moment I knew I was in big trouble!
I spent some time perusing the shelves. I was sad to think maybe an era is coming to an end. I could see it in the dust, smell it in the musty pungent odor of pages untouched and unread. I could hear it in the silence, no busy bodied obnoxious humans to roam the isles, no sound of whispering, nothing audible to sense a book was being pulled from it's rightful place. My reading heart could feel it. Books being crowded out and forced into the dark corners of yesterday.
I decided I better find her. I knew she'd be racking up serious damages. She never disappoints me when it comes to buying a stack of books!
I came around the corner and there she was. "LOOK MOM!" Her face was lit up like Christmas and her arms were full, cradling a stack of books piled so high she could barely pack them all. I think that was about the moment the fun started. I too love to read. I love words and black ink on pages. I love humans expressing those things we can't talk about out loud. I love reading emotions and plots spelled out in letters on one page after another. And her excitement was infections. Oh, that beautiful smile she has, those dark eyes that reel you into her heart in a fleeting second, her enthusiasm, her authentic way of being. . . I was taken with it.
Des started showing me her collection. I took interest when she showed me an old book by Walt Whitman she'd picked up. She led me to the isle where poetry books by Lord Alfred Tennyson and Emily Dickinson were poised gracefully just waiting for my wallet to show up! She hooked me line and sinker on the poetry isle. She's brilliant.
The excitement and humor just continued to build as she showed me one book after another. I've long wanted to be a writer. I've wanted to write a book my whole life. I love writing! I love it as much as taking pictures. It does something to me. It feeds my soul. Choosing words to put on paper is like choosing entrees at the presidential buffet table of life! There are so many delicious choices! It's an art to pick just the right word and place it in just the right spot on a page! Des and I talked about all the plots and stories we'd imagined putting on paper. We each took turns pulling one masterpiece after another off the shelf. We huddled in our little corner of the world and laughed and giggled and gasped with every old worn bound treasure we pulled from the shelf.
I kept saying over and over again. "WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" She just took me deeper and deeper into the faded walls of paper.
I found a book by Alice B. Emerson, "Ruth Fielding and Her Double." "The Ruth Fielding Series is a 30 volume series that was published by Cupples and Leon from 1913 through 1934. Three authors wrote the series under the pseudonym of Alice B. Emerson. When I saw the price tag of 96.00 dollars, Des flipped out. When I saw her head spin back with that horse gaping silent spasm of a grin she gets when her laughter grips her so hard she can't breathe, I could not restrain myself any longer. Now I was doubled over in hysterics. I didn't buy the book! Oh I wanted to!!! I will never forget her face when the manager opened the cover and went to ring up 96 dollars! I nearly passed out!
We decided to go look for a cheaper book because if you bought four books the fifth one was free. How about when you buy twenty books. How many are free then?
We went back to the shelves. It was when I picked up the book, "How To Be Your Own Best Friend," giddiness set in for the entire night! There were more books to fuel our gut wrenching laughter, like when Des found, "Raising a Thinking Child!" We were engulfed now in spontaneous outbursts of loud unrestrained giggling as we made our way past one section after another.
There were old "Life" magazines and comic books. Rows and rows of shelves stacked high with every kind of reading you could imagine.
Then we found it. It was the find of the night. "How To Survive The Loss Of A Love." I started reading it to Deserey in my Jacob Grimm story telling voice. Tears were falling, my sides hurt so bad I could barely read. We started to draw attention when our hysterics got audibly out of control.
It was the last poem I read that drew the manager's glare.
"first
I have to get
out
of love with you.
second
I have to remember
don't fall
until you see
the whites
of their lies."
Trust me. You had to be there to truly appreciate it. We bought every 3 dollar copy the store had. I had to have one! And Des wanted one for herself and of course she knows lots of girls with broken hearts. Lol. Now, there's not a copy left in the store! We're saving the female world. Priceless!

We finished our night with dinner at the Blue Bird. First though we had to to take our heavy load to the car before we could go and sit down to eat. Who can eat at a restaurant with a massive stack of books piled high at your feet? As we left the book store, Des picked a little goody from the pile. It was a classic she'd found in the children's section. The title demanded we buy it. It was called "A Girl Can Dream" by Betty Cavanna. Des couldn't resist. How could she? A girl really can dream! My Des, she has dreams and I have dreams for her. The book's title won us. "Do you want me to read to you mom?" I nodded affirmatively. We have changed roles, she and I. "Read to me Des!" I insisted. She read to me as we crossed the road at the light. She read as we walked under the trees down the side of the tabernacle in the shade of the cool early evening. She read to me on the way back from the car, through the crowds of people that mingled here and there through racks of clothing lining main street. And as we found our way to a table at the back of the Blue Bird and waited for our Chicken Cordon Bleu, she read. It was so soul filling I hardly had room for dinner. It was the perfect ending to a perfect night, a night I shall never forget! Yup, these are the moments life was made for! Funnest night ever!